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Having some usable vision is, in my experience at least, had some similarities to being sighted. Of course, it is all how you define usable vision. In my case, while fully blind in one eye, I could still see well enough to use a computer with magnification, enough to follow a baseball game on TV, and enough to pick my outfit out for a night out with my wife. Now, it was never good, by anyone’s standards, but it was usable. I guess I had been adjusting my entire life to the very slow diminishing of my vision. Every so often, I would notice that I needed a bit more zoom on my phone in order to see something, or I stopped being able to read the menu at the restaurant, but it was just so slow that I adjusted, I made accommodations for it. Then, all of a sudden, it was all gone and then the adjustments and accommodations didn’t work anymore. 

I had to start all over. Learn everything again. But, amidst all of the learning and adjusting to the new normal, nobody told me how terribly boring it was, to be blind. Especially at first. 

Along with all the grief and anxiety that comes with fully losing your sight, there is also the difficulty of figuring out what to do with all your time. I realized very quickly that just sitting in my recliner all day, trying to listen to my podcasts and audiobooks, was not enough to fill my day. I found myself falling asleep all the time in that recliner. Turns out, not having that visual stimulation as an input really causes your brain to wander and often, take quick cat naps. But what else was I supposed to do to fill my time? I didn’t know how to do anything without sight. Once I allowed myself to grieve and accept my new reality, it was time to start moving forward again I realized that my life was shrinking down. My brain was craving activity, even if it meant leaving the recliner. I had to learn new hobbies, new skills, and frankly, be brave for the first time in forever. 

That’s a huge thing to ask a person adjusting to life without arguably, the most important of the five senses. But, so many others before me have proven that it is doable. Is it still going to be hard and frustrating? Absolutely! Pushing past the fear, embracing the challenge of accomplishing the simple things at first, all on your own. Things like doing the laundry, even if it means you accidentally drop random socks or underwear in embarrassing locations. I definitely haven’t done this, have I honey? I have found myself saying this during these early months, “I just need a win today.” Simple. Whether its in big things or small, just get a win and that helps outweigh some of the loss. 

So, what hobbies and skills have I begun? I still read a lot of audiobooks and listen to podcasts because frankly, I love them. And don’t come at me about how listening to an audiobook is not reading. It is, plain and simple. On the topic of podcasts, I searched for and found several different podcasts that have been great for showing me that being blind is NOT the end of everything. Shows like Double Tap, Blind Abilities, and Unmute Presents, are just a few that are in regular rotation. I’ve begun writing again, which has been crucial to getting my feelings out and processing all of this madness. I am learning Braille, thanks to the regular and steady motivation of my wife. In doing that, I’ve been able to play some card games again, like dominoes, Uno and Phase 10. I’ve even won a few times, which is awesome! I take my white cane with me everywhere now, in order to keep working on my orientation and mobility in new places. That leads into another thing which is to leave the house whenever possible. Feeling the sun and wind, even if it is just as a passenger running errands, it’s really invigorating after being stuck inside for a long time. Finally, I’ve begun taking online classes and workshops remotely, from the Braille Institute in Southern California. They have a wide variety of courses covering technology, life skills, artistic pursuits, and provide a source of community as well. We all need to be reminded that, even in the monotony and struggle, that we are not alone. Others are doing the same things, have the same struggles, and they are being brave too. 

So, if I could go back in time and give myself some advice, from before the blindness became total, it would be to embrace the coming boredom. To use that as a time to adjust and to think about what new things you might want to do. The expectation needs to be reset. And that’s okay. Take advantage of the time and listen to what your heart and brain want to be doing. Don’t give in to the boredom, and to the lack of expectations. Instead, when you are ready to pick yourself back up, do it and stop looking back. The future is still unwritten, start writing it yourself.